Prime Chuck Norris

Dojo Rat started to make political hay of our old friend, Chuck Norris. After leaving a few comments on that post I received an anonymous e-mail that was essentially a Republican talking points memo and it ended with “…and Chuck Norris could kick your ass!”

Bob could do one of two things: 1) Walk away or 2) Finish what DJR started. Now I’ll be the first to acknowledge that there is a time and place for the velvet gloved approach. However, this is not one of those times.

The Chuck Norris Challenge

You can read the rant that started it all right here.  In addition, if you are up-to-date on your medications you can read all of his fine posts at this link. Regardless,  let’s take a moment to discuss the main points from Chuck’s “Don’t Tread on me!” article.

Blame the Democrats

Many of us are protesting the present political direction of Washington. Outrageous borrowing, excessive bailouts, massive spending, speedball stimulus plans, universal hell-care and swings toward socialism are just a few of things that were protested that day. Of course, economics is far from America’s only problem, as large as it appears to loom.

The economy is complex. More complex than a Chuck Norris spinning hook kick or his acting skills. Is Mr. Norris ranting about the last eight years or just the recent financial meltdown? If it’s the last eight years then most of the blame goes to Bush v. II. However, if it’s the financial meltdown then there’s blame to share by both parties. Here’s my big three:

1. Ronald Reagan. Yep, good old Ronnie started the deregulation ball rolling back in the 80s when he signed into law the Garn-St. Germain Depository Institutions Act. Fast fact: Prior to Reagan the government used to mandate the size of home loan down payments and they did so for a pretty good reason. In fairness to Ronnie he was not alone. Two other prominent Republicans are to blame as well:  Economist Milton Friedman served as the idea’s principal philosopher, and Newt Gingrich was a leading advocate for it in Congress.
2. If don’t believe me (and you shouldn’t!)  go to your local public or academic library and ask a librarian to help you research the history of the New Deal. One thing that becomes apparent is that of all the New Deal legislation the GOP has sought to overturn, one that has always been at the top of the list is the Glass-Steagall Act. Interestingly, a Democratic president repealed this for them. Ergo, I give you President Bill Clinton. After Clinton signed the Act away subprime mortgages shot through the roof.
   
3. Last but not least is George W. Bush. Our confused last President is certainly to blame for not heeding the warnings when he and his advisors saw them.

Bowing to aggressive lobbying — along with assurances from banks that the troubled mortgages were OK — regulators delayed action for nearly one year. By the time new rules were released late in 2006, the toughest of the proposed provisions were gone and the meltdown was under way.

Remember folks: The GOP has been trying since Roosevelt to undo the New Deal. Clinton helped in that regard and Bush v. II did what any good puppet does: Bow to lobbyists.

So Mr. Norris, it’s pretty idiotic to try and blame President Obama for any of this. In fact, your rant about bailouts, excessive spending, etc. make no sense when you consider how much President George W. Bush has cost us these last eight years. Bush and the Republicans are responsible for two major cost drivers:

• Iraq War
• The economic bail-out

Critics of the bail-out still have strong reservations – some have pounced on an apparent admission by the Treasury that the figure of $700bn to buy up securities was arbitrary. Forbes magazine quoted a treasury spokeswoman saying that it was not based on any particular data point: “We just wanted to choose a really large number.”

Patriotism Costs $73.50

Bertrand Russell famously stated that “Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.” Well dumb Chuck Norris Norris actually puts a price on it. For a mere $73.50 you too can buy a desecrated American flag, and in the process, lobotomize what’s left of your brain.

So is flag desecration illegal? Maybe. Most states still have a law that prohibits it. However, every time a case has it made it to the Supreme Court, the Court has sided with the Constitution and free speech.

Is flag desecration illegal in Texas? Definitely!  I guess someone needs to tell Chuck that before he gets into trouble.  Texas Penal Code section 42.11, makes it illegal to “damage, deface, mutilate or burn” the American flag, but also the Texas state flag. Sadly ironic when you consider that Republicans are staunch supporters of amendments to the Constitution which would make flag desecration illegal.

The Senate today fell one vote short of approving a constitutional amendment that would have enabled Congress to ban desecration of the American flag.

History according to Chuck Norris

Dumb Chuck closes his article by quoting many of the Founding Fathers. Both the left and the right are guilty of invoking the Founders. Forget hermeneutics (i.e. interpreting what the Founders meant to say in the context of historical time and place)–just throw out a few quotes to the largely uneducated masses and hope that they lap it up. Usually they do.

Taking a page from Chuck’s playbook, let’s look at what Benjamin Franklin would think of wasting tea to desecrate the American Flag. Before the colonies revolted, Franklin spent 15 years on and off in England as an unofficial spokesman for America. He hoped to keep America in the British Empire, even pledging to pay for the tea destroyed in the Boston Tea Party. So, history shows us that Franklin was appalled at the destruction of tea and actually wanted us to repay England.

This act drew criticism from colonial and British figures. For instance, Benjamin Franklin stated that the destroyed tea must be repaid and offered to repay with his own resources.

Chuck Norris on the modern Tea Party:

“Sept. 12 was an amazing day as thousands marched on Washington, D.C., seeking to unite Americans and make a stand against tyranny and oppression. At the same time, the Tea Party Express escorted a number of patriots to the U.S. Capitol as well, to culminate its cross-country rallies.”

So, using ultra-Conservative logic, if Benjamin Franklin–a Founding Father!–was opposed to the original Tea Party, surely opposing the modern version must be the patriotic thing to do. Moreover, Mr. Norris is on the record as wanting Texas to secede from the union.

I’m not saying that other states won’t muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it

Therefore, all I can do is pose this question: Why does Chuck Norris hate America?

Let’s close this post with a video of Chuck Norris staring down a bear. It really doesn’t make sense or relate to my post. Then again, Chuck Norris does not make a lot of sense either so I thought it was still fitting.

~BCP

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