I was excited and pleased to see that SPIKE was premiering Seagal’s latest pot boiler, Kill Switch. I liken watching his movies to Iron Palm training or the body conditioning drills we did in Tae Kwon Do. They are painful to do, if people know you are doing them they think your are crazy, but in the long run they build a mental a physical toughness that you can’t get anywhere else. The same goes for watching Seagal movies.
For those of you who want to purchase the DVD check out Amazon. A comment Sifu made to comedian about quitting Qinna made me think of my Seagal fetish. “Man you are in to deep. Over 10 years now. Your too valuable to retire. Heal your injury and we’ll work with you. “
That’s how I fee about Seagal. There’s only two bloggers I know of that regularly chronicle Seagal and I owe it to the both of them to help pull Seagal’s weight. In addition by now I’m in too deep. I was with Seagal from his first few movies which were actually pretty good. Somewhere along the way he Jumped the Shark.
First a synopsis from Amazon:
Detective Jacob Stillwell (Steven Seagal) is one of the most celebrated homicide detectives in the country. His brutal delivery of street justice is legendary among the men and women of law enforcement. But on this latest case, he may have finally met his match Lazerus, a cunning and perversely violent killer who is on the loose and terrorizing the inner city. Stillwell s desperate pursuit of Lazerus takes him into the dark, depraved Memphis underworld of street sex and senseless violence.
My first observation from watching the movie is that man I’ve seen that guy before. Then it hit me! Eddie Munster!
(Note the airbrushing on the promo poster then compare it to the one on the far right. Now in fairness to Mr. Seagal I too look like 10 miles of bad road but I’m honest about it.)
My next observation proves that he’s Jumped the Shark. Early on you’d see wide camera shots of Seagal thrashing people with cool Aikijujitsu. Now the cameras are in close so you can barely see what he’s doing to his opponents. I saw lots of feet, maybe an arm, and an occasional glimpse of his hands. This usually happens when the actor has to rely on stunt doubles. The same thing happened in the later years on Walker Texas Ranger–especially after Norris had hip surgery. You could tell from the wide angle shots that it was a Norris stunt double doing his trademark spin hook.
Not only does he mumble but I think that due to his musical experiments he now thinks that he is a black man. That’s fine but now he mumbles in a very piss poor version of street talk that is very annoying to inflict on his legion(?) of fans.
First a clip of the mumbling black wannabe Segal dialect:
Next a good video that chronicles 5 Rules for any Segal movie:
Let’s add Rule #6: He ALWAYS wears that leather jacket now. Even when he makes love!
How did the movie end? I’m not sure because I fell asleep. So here’s your chance to rent it and write a full review.
Now if you’ll all excuse me I have to go and purchase some Chi in a Can.